Dementia & Dad – 1 Step Forward/ 3 Steps Backward

As expected Dad’s condition  has continued to degrade. His speech is the obvious one in that he can only string a few words together and is very difficult to understand. This makes for very quiet sessions with him and usually has us talking about weather or the food & drink he is consuming at that time. I tend to allow him to retain his dignity by using indirect language that is not specific to what he is saying. For example he may talk some jibberish. I will respond with “what do you think about that?” or “you may be right”. This keeps conversations going even though nothing is actually being said. I tend to watch the body language  and emotion behind the words. If he smiles or laughs I will mimic that to appear to him that I understand (even if I don’t). If he frowns or appears sad – I will acknowledge it then answer with “that’s not good is it?”…..or “am not sure … tell me about it”

Dad’s dressing has been pretty terrible lately. He wore 3 collared shirts and then had his pajama top over that. We have had other instances of him wearing his jeans,belt and socks to bed with pajama pants over the top.He also had his scarf on and the weather temperature was about 28 degrees. His sandshoe laces were all over the place and are difficult to tie. I have suggested we buy him velcro tab shoes, tracksuit pants instead of jean. Whatever makes it easier and less stressful for him. Dad has been difficult for the Carers to get in the shower recently, so we have been trying different tactics. They gave his medication an hour later, allowing him to wake up smoothly before being given meds. I turn the shower on and just tell Dad “your shower is on, time to get undressed, we don’t want to waste water”. He gets frustrated with the taps as they operate in different directions and are confusing for all.

I have noticed Dad’s personal hygiene standards drop dramatically. He cannot shower himself without help anymore. He does not know how to use soap, or shower gel. I have to lift his arms to wash armpits, and put soap in his hands and then place that hand where I want him to wash. Dad will put soap on his head, like it is shampoo. He has lost his inhibitions and will walk around his room naked. I try and give him privacy but is difficult. Vicky (carer) noticed Bob had red legs after shower. We realised he had knocked or moved the taps and was scolding his leg. This tells me he needs supervision. Recently I turned up at Dad’s room in the morning and he was on his bed getting dressed(fully dressed with only jocks on). His shower was still on full blast. This means that the Carer had left him alone and he would have been out of that shower for at least 30 mins.he takes forever to get dressed with my help, so this situation was not good. He doesn’t remember how to clean his teeth and needs major prompting. I now brush and part his hair for him. He still shaves himself but always misses one side burn area, plus on his lower neck. I actually have to pull his skin taught to get it shaved. Dad is not great with toileting with many basics now confusing. He recently tried to put his toiletries bag on his foot. I placed some aftershave on his hands and moved them towards his face, he just rubbed it through his hair thinking it was shampoo. You need to be switched on as he may fall when putting on his jocks. Carers usually get the resident to sit on the bed whilst getting dressed. We often find his crockery or glassware in bins.

Dad tries to put on his jacket and scarf at nearly opportunity irrespective of the weather. We have to layout his clothes and make his bed while he showers to ensure less confusion when he gets dressed. This is because if you have to look for an item eg socks. He may have taken his shirt off again while you look. It’s a constant battle against time. we are forced to lock the wardrobe at night as he will change his clothes constantly over several hours. I have to think about cleaning his electric shaver, getting it on charge, removing his dirty clothes and getting in the washing bag. I have cleaners waiting to come in his room so I will take him for a few footy kicks while she mops the floor (safety hazard). This is a very slick, well timed procedure most of the time when the right people are on shift. Most residents do not have many visitors at all so the family members would have no idea what is happening to their relative whilst in care.

I have set a timer on Dad’s tv so that it turns on at 8am every morning by itself. The carer’s would not be able to on top of this factor consistently, although do their best. I like to play a 60’s cd I prepared while he is getting dressed so that it is a positive environment rather than a stressful one. The music keeps him bouncing along while I adjust buttons, belts and everything else. When we take Dad in the van or car the seating procedure can be difficult. He may try and get out again, not put his seatbelt on, and just be difficult. The key is to move fast with a focus on safety. I always stay road side when walking with dad, and always have a hold of his arm should he fall. Having a coffee in a cafe is now difficult as dad gulps his coffee in about 10 seconds then is ready to leave. We usually have to use the bathroom as well – which brings it’s own list of challenges. I find by linking dad’s arm with mine it lets others know I am caring for someone and they are more accommodating should dad talk to them or make a sharp move.