Diary of a Rhinoplasty (Nose Job)

*WARNING. . . This story is only for those with a strong stomach.

I broke my nose when I was playing basketball in the Under 16’s for Sturt and have always had breathing trouble ever since. After years of torment, especially during hayfever season, I decided to do something about it. I went to a highly recommended surgeon in Hutt Street and discussed my options.  Besides fixing my breathing I could also make my nose smaller if required. I chose to have everything reduced proportionately a ‘smidge’. On the day of the operation in the Wakefield Hospital I distinctively remember enjoying my pre-med injection where I was “high as a kite”. I also remember bantering with the nurses on the way to the operating table and telling them that I can’t believe the doctor looks like James (Jim) Belushi the actor. They killed themselves laughing and so did I , they also said “you better hope the doctor likes Jim Belushi!”. I am told the operation is quite a brutal one where hammers are brought out to break the nose, and then it is re-set.

After the operation, I found myself back in the recovery room. Tanya was there and I was continuing to babble on on about how good looking she was, and she was the best wife in the world. Lucky for me I pulled out the positive stuff that day and I actually earnt some ‘brownie points’. I was starting to wake up fully after an hour or so and the pain and throbbing began to start. Nurses were constantly replacing ice packs under my eyes to try and reduce the swelling. This routine went on for the rest of the day. I ended up staying a single night and left the following afternoon.

I had to have a nose cover on the bridge of my nose and the black eyes really started to come through when at home. What they don’t tell you about in hospital is the smell you have to put up with afterwards. There is actually cotton gauze then dried blood filling all your nasal cavities for the entire week or so. This smells from the inside like a “dead body” – It is so disgusting I began to dry retch on several occasions. There was nothing I could do to eliminate the smell and was told I just have to accept it. My main concern was that other people could smell it. Tanya advised me that they can – and she even went into another bedroom to get away from the smell at night.

A week or so later I went back into the hospital to have one of the nurses remove the blood and gauze packs in my nose which I was told was standard procedure. When the old battleaxe nurse arrived she set up a chair, sat me on it and placed a large green bucket at my feet. She took the nose cover off and then grabbed some scissor style tweezers and removed the cotton gauze from each nostril and dropped it into the bucket. This was almost painless and I was really happy as it was no big deal. She then gave me the good news . . . She said I need you to bend forward over the bucket as I have to remove the dried blood. I was in shock as I thought everything was done. She then said “This will now feel like I am pulling your brains out through your nostril…it is gonna hurt like hell and will probably hurt me more than you as I have to deal with  it”. She then began the pulling and she was spot on with how it felt. It was a slow and painful procedure and made a noise inside my head like a tree that was creaking before it falls. What shocked me was the time it took to remove, and how long the actual “scab” (sorry – there is no other way to describe it) was. It was about 4-5 inches long and the contents of that green bowl was the most disgusting site I have ever seen. This is my most vivid memory of the saga.

I then got to see my new nose for the very first time. It appeared a little “Pigsy” like, but was dead straight along the bridge of my nose . . I was happy. It was extremely fragile and felt like a piece of putty was placed on my face. The Doc was really happy with the results and said make sure you protect the nose over the next few weeks as it is extremely fragile. Tanya and I went to bed that night and she was very much relieved as the smell was now gone. I took some more painkillers and fell straight to sleep. In the middle of the night I was startled by an almighty crack. Tanya was having a dream and violently headbutted me on the nose. She had pushed my brand new nose across my face again to exactly the same position it was before the operation. It was also the most pain I have ever been in my life. I was crying from both eyes and rolling around the bed in excruciating pain. I raced into the Doctor the next morning to get my bad news. The nose was broken again and can not be fixed without the entire procedure repeated. Tanya has never headbutted me before and never headbutted me since that night. Once again – the worst timing ever.

I now breathe through one nostril!